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Sir, Having filled the cellar with wines,spirits & brandies, I find myself short on funds. Laundry seems excessively expensive, but a philanthropist like myself would never ask staff to pay for their clothing to be washed. Thus I devise an alternative scheme to ensure that their clothes remain clean
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Sir, my Housekeeper has neglected to place an order for cotton cloths; as such the maids claim they are unable to do further cleaning. I swiftly intervene before this laziness takes hold of the entire house. The ragged clothing of my staff makes a fine substitute, and also saves me money.
Sir, Once more I find myself interviewing for a new maid. A great many did apply, and so I have implemented a new system of interview and assessment. I am now considering the final three candidates, but it is most difficult to decide between them.
Sir, I instruct my staff to prepare rooms for my guests, but they insist upon practicing their act "The Tumbling Maldinis" for the summer fayre. I offer some instruction and stage direction which is gladly accepted and do you know, I think their act may win a prize in the village this Summer.
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Sir, Lady B___ do demand new garden furniture in anticipation of the warmer weather. I request a catalogue by post from the local merchant. The illustrations within were modern and enlightening. This particular configuration looks to be most comfortable and welcoming. I have placed my order.
Sir, as a noted philanthropist, I do oft employ those who I feel need the greatest assistance. Maid Lilibet was from such a humble background that she had not even sat upon a chair before entering service. I gain great comfort from educating the deserving poor and documenting their progress.
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Sir, Following a dispute with the local milliner, I find myself without anyone to repair the hat I wear for Sunday best. Maid Elly offers to help, she has previously worked in such a role. My hat is returned with a remarkable velour, and many did whisper and comment upon it at Church.
Exuse me sir do you have a face I can seat on?
Sir, The past 12 days has seen our private club gain 3,000 new members. I note that, following my story regarding the maid who was pissing in my hat, we lost 18 members. I apologise for my most vulgar report, and in penance I would like to share a work of art that hangs upon the wall of my library.