Sir, Lady B___ complains that our garden appears low status, demanding classical statues to remedy this. The stonemason quotes such an inflated price that I send him away at once. Maid Nora do then appear to offer drinks to my departing guest, and an idea occurs. She has a most classical figure.
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We had a few drinks at happy hour and then this happened.
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Sir, A Gentleman's micturation is a troublesome and time consuming activity. One evening, having consumed my fifth or sixth glass of port, I stumbled upon a solution. I have staff sitting around doing nothing, and they can damn well piss for me. I have enlisted my maid Elsie in testing my idea.